Hello my fellow people from far and wide. I thought I would re-use a photo I took back in Edmonton which is above. It is such a beautiful candid shot of a raven that I wanted to put it up again. As many of you know I am currently in Toronto and likely staying for some time. I would almost like to move here but I feel Edmonton is a better place for me. It is a funny thing, conservatives are generally associated with less support for the poor and disabled, but in Alberta where we have had a conservative government for a long time I am much better off than most places. I get a disability benefit there that includes a subsidized bus pass, free world class gym membership good for several pools and other places, free library card (whoo-hoo! I love the library!) and medication and dental coverage is also included. I almost feel reluctant to share this because I fear one of my ultra-right friends will learn what I get simply for being disabled and feel offended. Anyhow, today was truly an incredible day. I have been wanting to go swimming or do something fun, but I decided to try and get down to business. I have two books I had a few copies of printed up and sent here to my sister’s place and I am going to try and sell a few, making this a working vacation of sorts, so I spent a good part of the day getting on the phone and seeing what kinds of book sales and all that I can drum up. I didn’t get too far, but I did a few hours of work and later on in the day I met with my classy cousin Julz downtown. It is so cool to navigate Toronto with Julz because he has been here since 1999 and really knows the place well. he showed me a few historical sights and we went to a fish place and had some really good fries. The only thing I really fault Julz with is that it seems he always wants to improve my life, figure out a way to cure my mental illness, get me off medication and slim again, but the reality is that there is no cure for what I have, it is as much a physical illness as being without an arm and he isn’t even a Psychiatrist. It is great that he cares, but what I need is a good friend I can talk to, not someone who thinks they can cure something that is genetically in my bones. I have to admit though, it felt great to see Julz and I had a fantastic time checking out downtown and riding the subway. I was so amazed at the masses of people out on the street even at 10:00pm on a weeknight. It really is something to be in a major city. Even Vancouver wasn’t like this.
One thing did disturb me a lot was that at one point, Julz and I were walking down the street and this slight, probably starving young man was sitting with a hat out to passers-by asking them for change but not making much sense. I had the strong feeling that this poor dude was an untreated person with schizophrenia. I wanted at the very least to give him some change, but I didn’t have any. If I had been by myself I might have gone so far as to get him a hamburger or a coffee and talk to him and see if he is getting help. Another thing about the incident that scared me was that I could see myself being someone like this, the only real difference is a few months of medications and a proper home that I had and he didn’t. I guess one person can’t change the world, but I sure hope that if I ever make a success of myself that I don’t forget my debt and my promise to people like this poor soul, to help them as much as I was helped, to do everything to ease their pain and increase their comfort, totally non-judgmentally. I hope this works as some food for thought. On a lighter note, I wrote a not-bad poem today about traveling and the meaning of home, I hope you enjoy it as it sits below….
Carry Me To A Place Bright And New
Although one may travel far and wide
There really is nowhere you can hide
You can’t let go of what you are inside
We are a part of each other despite our pride
But don’t ever let that stop you from wandering
I know when I explore new places my heart sings
But always in a short while I long for my return
For friends and loved ones my soul burns
In this world there are many things to do and see
Staying locked up at home you will never be free
To taste the wonders of this place
This blue island lost in space
And in a way once you have travelled far
You somehow discover more of who you are
You no longer need two houses and a car
You no longer look for solutions at the bar
If you can bring a person close to you
And then when you see things wonderful and new
You will bond and grow to love each other more
And after both dream of that distant shore
I have been far away in the air and at sea
Where you can just breathe and live and be
But I had to return to my beloved home
If for no other reason than to write this poem
Now I have become a living testament
To glories, sights and sound all heaven sent
And now I hope before my whole life is spent
I will do much more than just work and pay the rent
Of all those places that I went to see
There was one thing they couldn’t be for me
Sure I was happy, tanned and free
But I wasn’t in my own loving home and community
Leif Gregersen
Mental Health coping skills blog by leif gregersen 