Well, above is another bee photo I took, this one in my kitchen. I really like to take photos of insects, but bees especially not only because they are beautiful to me but also because bees are an extremely important part of our ecosystem.
In the news for me this week some may know I had my camera stolen. Thanks to the fact that I have been working hard and saving I was able to replace it and with some luck I might also get some help in doing so. I have a casual part-time job as a photographer for the City of Edmonton so it was pretty necessary that I get another one right away. I was going to get another Nikon D3200 as I was very happy with my last one, but I found out they have been discontinued and so I spent a little extra and got a Nikon D3300 which so far seems to be a very nice camera.
As far as my mental health goes, I don’t know how much of this I should share, but I seem to have come across something that is really helping me. I recently visited Toronto and found out that my sister’s husband takes a herbal medicine called Skullcap when he gets too far into an ‘up’ or ‘manic’ mood, and I decided to try it myself. I have also been trying something that I got at a health food store called ‘True Calm” which has valerian and Taurine (one of the ingredients of energy drinks) among other herbal stuff in it and I occasionally take them when I need to sleep. I have found that they calm me down, get me to sleep and seem (when I don’t take them more than one night in a row) to give me a full night’s sleep rather than just a short sleep which often leaves me feeling tired the next day. I am very much against sleeping pills and tranquilizers, but lately I have been taking something called ‘Rivotril’ or ‘Clonazepam’ which has calmed me down but I worry it will be addictive, so I try to use it very sparingly. It is so hard for me to sleep sometimes though, so for now I am going to keep taking it once or twice a week, alternating days with trying to sleep with no help and using the skullcap and true calm and occasionally also using melatonin. I think the biggest difference with this new stuff I am taking is that it seems to allow me to have dreams that are much less disturbing. I could write volumes of theories on the subconscious mind and things like delusions and dreaming, but they wouldn’t mean much because I am not qualified to speak on such matters. I guess I will kind of sum up what I think in a few sentences, but please don’t look to me as any kind of an expert. Basically my theory goes something like this: I personally feel it is impossible to have more thoughts than we have had input into our brains, but many people, including myself have things like disturbing dreams and delusional thinking that seems to come from somewhere. What I feel all of this is, is something that is taken from our subconscious mind, that huge massive 2/3 of the iceberg that we don’t see, the part that is hidden underwater. These thoughts surface when our grip on our conscious mind is weak, but they are things we have experienced and learned but have forgotten for a number of reasons, sometimes our minds have made them unavailable to our conscious mind because they are disturbing. Anyhow, I don’t want to get into this any further, but I would love it if anyone who regularly reads this blog could comment and start a discussion with me. If anyone out there wanted to talk and needed a peer supporter to email, feel free to contact me at viking3082000@yahoo.com Hope you all had a good Canadian Thanksgiving/US Columbus Day and don’t forget to scroll down to read today’s poem!
Growing Up
I was so naïve and stupid
Thinking I could beat all the odds
I just simply had to try it,
Hope I had favor from the gambling gods
When I look at what they turned me into
Those games of luck and skill
It means so very much something saved me
Despite my self-destructive will
One wouldn’t think a simple game of poker
Or the pull of the arm of a slot machine
Could destroy someone so completely
Make them into something lowly and mean
How old could I have been
Those all too many years ago
When that demon crawled under my skin
And possessed my very soul
I started with scratching tickets
Even with money that wasn’t mine
I found with each bet my beating heart would quicken
As I strayed further from the straight and narrow line
I went through pain, withdrawal, depression
At times I wished I could totally give in
But soon with help my resolve was newly freshened
And I learned a weakness isn’t in fact a sin
With a lot of work and help I recovered
Managed to set gambling aside
It scares me now the lies I told
In the name of manly pride
Love never seemed to find me
Back when I was pissing my life away
The need for risk and danger blinded me
And pushed family and friends away
So many terrible addictions
I had to overcome and more
I found precious golden freedom
When faith opened a totally new door
Leif Gregersen
Mental Health coping skills blog by leif gregersen 